Tuesday, July 22, 2014

my relationship with atlanta.


i have lived in atlanta for about 1 1/2 now. my husband & i run a mission house for a church in midtown. i am a country girl at heart & love the idea of having land and working that land. i read all these blogs about homesteading & follow so many people on instagram & i tend to daydream through their pictures. i dream of a little house, really open with land, some chickens & pigs, you know all of the "good" stuff. i am pretty sure i wrote about a lot of my feelings in this post here

living in atlanta does have it's advantages. i live 2 blocks from starbucks, cvs, & so many more places to eat. if you know anything about cory & i we love food. we love to make food, try new places, stare at food, watch food shows, well you get the point. we are close to parks & we have everything at our disposal, but it's not home. our hearts are not here.

 i have been working on my patience (which is what sunday morning church was about) with where the lord wants us next. i know what we want, & where we want to be, right? what does god wants & where does he want us to be?

when i think about all of this i am reminded of this song by crowder.

                                                               "Here's My Heart"

Here's my heart, Lord [x3]
Speak what is true

I am found, I am Yours
I am loved, I'm made pure
I have life, I can breathe
I am healed, I am free

Here's my heart, Lord [x3]
Speak what is true

I am found, I am Yours
I am loved, I'm made pure
I have life, I can breathe
I am healed, I am free

You are strong, You are sure
You are life, You endure
You are good, always true
You are light breaking through

Here's my heart, Lord [x3]
Speak what is true

Here's my life, Lord [x3]
Speak what is true [x3]

I am found, I am Yours
I am loved, I'm made pure
I have life, I can breathe
I am healed, I am free

You are strong, You are sure
You are life, You endure
You are good, always true
You are light breaking through

You are more than enough
You are here, You are love
You are hope, You are grace
You're all I have, You're everything

Here's my heart, Lord [x3]
Speak what is true

Here's my life, Lord [x3]
Speak what is true [x3]

these words are speaking so much truth during this season of my life. i want the lord to have my heart & i want him to speak truth to me. the bigger question is am i ready to hear it? do i even want to know what the lords plans are for my life? what if they are so far away from my own dreams? my prayer is lord help my desires be after your own heart. i truly want that for my life.

atlanta is so big. there are so many amazing people here, so many cool things to do here, but i am a little homesick for fresh air. for running into familiar faces at the local breakfast joint. for what i call the "good stuff". 

with wedds being here i am reminded of all the cool things to do in the city. coca cola factory, the aquarium, cool places to eat, white water, & i can go on & on. wedds is having a really fun time doing all these things, but you want to know what he said when we asked him what he was most excited about. he said "seeing zeke". literally my heart melted. it also spoke so much to me. so simple. he would completely content hanging at the house with his little brother. you should really see them together. they are so cute. i will have to take some videos while he is here. 

my relationship with atlanta is a little rocky. it is a love/hate relationship for sure. i like the convenience of atlanta, but everything else not so much. i am hoping in the distant future i will love atlanta more when i am not right in the middle of it. 

anyone else out there struggle with patience? waiting on the lord for your next step?

i would like to think there is a light during the tunnel and not just at the end. 


cheers,

mrs. estes