GOD IS SO GOOD.

i cannot think of a better title for this blog bc there is not one. as i sit here at the coffee shop waiting on tracey to get here all i can do is hold back tears from how blessed i feel. who would have thought my life would turn out like it did? after all the bad, all the heart-ache, all the "life lessons", all the wonderings & the yelling moments at god when i had no clue which way was up or down (some days i still feel like this) i am now on this path that brings such peace to my spirit. for so many years i worked these jobs that meant nothing, i would be stressed out, i knew that it was not what i was meant for & that longing for something greater pushed me through so many circumstances. i would often ask god, "what am i doing with my life?' i was confused. surely i wasn't meant to sit at a desk and type letters or reports, or do medical billing, or file papers or answer phones, surely god had something better? was it selfish of me to believe that? was it selfish to want all my little dreams as an 8 year old to become a reality?

i don't think so.

now i am PREGNANT-- what?!?- we are purchasing land in haiti- i am in the middle of starting a non-profit & i can't even get through a day without crying bc of the overwhelming feelings i have. all the love i feel from the father is too good. all the days i was miserable & looking for answers came to a door that i walked through & now here i am, sitting at this coffee shop writing about my life & it looks so very different than what i thought it was going to be.

some people tell me i am so lucky. i would consider myself incredibly blessed. i have a husband that supports us, that deals with me talking about haiti & my boys non-stop, i am constantly dreaming up ideas & i have horrible follow through, he is patient with me & he loves me through it. i have a small group of people around me that i can call for truth when i know i need it & even when i don't. i have people that i can call & say "hey, i really need prayer" & i know that they will pray for me. i have an incredible midwife who makes me feel like i am the strongest woman on earth. i have parents that love & support me. i have 46 kids who depend on my everyday & when i am in haiti they wake me up every single morning saying my name, tying balloons to my window to get me to wake up, they sing songs to my belly & talk to the baby, most importantly they pray for me & i know they do. they love me & all of these thing are a little overwhelming & i feel like i don't deserve any of it. i have 2 boys that call me mom & it literally melts my heart into a billion pieces. i cannot even begin to imagine what it will feel like when i hold my little one for the first time or when i hear my sweet baby say mom for the first time.

god is orchestrating so many things for me. he is opening up doors & i just keep walking through them. sometimes i don't know what the other side is going to look like but i try my best to trust & believe that his plan is greater than anything i could ever hope for for myself. sometimes it is really scary & i do feel alone. there are many nights i cry myself to sleep bc i do get overwhelmed & i feel responsible for so many. i get to the point where i ask god, "is this in the plan? is this pain & heartache in the plan" doing missions is not all about getting cute photos for facebook and patting yourself on the back for a job well done. it is a dirty job. it is a hard job where sometimes i don't think my heart can break anymore. it is a calling where you depend on God everyday for strength, grace, patience, comfort & most importantly his love. i don't just go to haiti & hang out with kids & take photos & come back. i learn their language so i can have a relationship with them, i let them know they matter, i bandage bloody knees & check to see if bones are broken, i help clean dishes, i eat with them, i love them, i let them know that everyday when we are apart that they are on my mind & in my prayers, i ask what their dreams are, when they misbehave i have to give out punishments which usually consists of writing scripture, when i am told kids are stealing i take a whole day & sometimes two, we talk to each kid separately where we talk about the why you did it, & then we have the kid pray & ask God to forgive them & then we hug them as they break down in tears feeling ashamed for what they did, we have kids they are crying their eyes out begging us not to send them home to their parents- begging for any other punishment than to be sent home with family. sometimes i am not their best friend bc i treat them as if they are my own,  but every morning they smile & say good morning, they tell me they respect me, they tell me they love me, bc all of these moments are proof to them that they matter to me. they matter so much to me & they matter so much to the father. which is why i make fundraising pages to help change their lives, which is why i talk about them all the time, which is why my heart is 10 times bigger bc of them. which is why i am buying this land.

we are purchasing land in mirebalais, which is some of the most beautiful land you have ever seen. we would love if you would consider partnering with us to help us buy it before i leave the first week of august. the land itself is $5000 but we are raising $6000 for the attorney fees, for the guy to survey the land & additional cost. if you would like to help us out you can do so HERE

the first piece of land we looked at was actually 2 pieces & it was beautiful but in the back of my mind i really wanted one piece with more trees. so a few days pass & we get a call from the person who is selling & they don't want to sell anymore. so we start from square one & we find another piece of land. rae, laura, myself, alix & wa-wa get up early one day to go take a look & i literally fell in love. SO MANY TREES. plantains, coconut, mango, & a river. WHAT? my mind was racing. i kept saying is this happening? is this going to happen? WHAT IN THE WORLD. we walked the property & i was just taking it all in. all the smells, all the noises from the birds, my little mind was going 90 miles a minute picturing what this place is going to be like for so many children & families in need.  so i wanted to take a minute a share my dreams with you.

please note that my daydreaming heart is going to be rambling the next paragraph bc i am too excited to turn this into a business plan right now.

we plan on having a school with all grades (k-high-school) & vocational classes. so we will have farming, sewing, art, music, carpentry, electrical, plumbing,  cooking & business. we want everything we can have to prepare all the children & their parents for a better future for better provision for them & help them reach their dreams & whatever the lord has called them to do. skills they can take into their community & teach each other. work together to start businesses. some of the kids i work with come from backgrounds where it is not safe for them to live with the family they came from & those are the kids who will be living on the property. if they have parents who cannot afford to take care of them we will have an interview process & offer jobs to them so the family can stay together. this will not be an orphanage but a christ centered home. prayer in the morning & prayer at night. church on sunday with worship & sunday school. meals together as a family. we will have a house for the boys & a house for the girls with a leader in each house. we will have a  church that will be open to the community as well. we will have a guesthouse for people to come in & it will also generate revenue to pay teachers & provide food. when people come in they won't just work with our home they will work in the community as well. it will be much different than the usual you see. we want to create partnerships within the community so the farmers that are there can come & teach classes to the kids & their parents, the same with sewing, carpentry, concrete work, art, music. we will have house parents who will manage the place as well. everyone working together for the greater good. these kids will go to sleep every single night knowing the fathers love, feeling safe & knowing there is not a time limit on their safety. we will have a psychologists there to work with kids & teachers. there are so many trees on this property & we talk about making wooden seating around them for study time which will be mandatory.  we want this to be a safe loving environment for these kids. i get so excited thinking about everything & all the possibilities for a better future for so many. this is just the beginning & i hope this gives you a little insight to what are praying for. please be in prayer for us on this journey. if you have any questions please feel free to email me. if you ever want to come along on a  trip please do not hesitate to ask. if you want to help us out you can do so HERE

mesi anpil zanmi m'

bondye beni ou.

- E